Running away

Fatal attempt

So my mom and I have always had a SUPER close relationship and I mean I told her absolutely everything. I told her the first time I had sex, when I drink & smoke, where I’m going & how I’ll get there. We had an open relationship. I honestly would tell her all the crazy shit I did. Anything She’d ask me I’d tell her an honest answer. My mom has been coming at me with how I don’t help out, I don’t do pull my own weight, Basically how I am a failure.. funny thing is.. her sons, My brothers.. Just happen to mistakenly call me Mom all the time. I pick them up from school, Take them to their friends, cuddle with them almost every night before they go to sleep, play with them, And they always come to me when they get in trouble. I get groceries when they don’t want to go, I run errands when they need me too, But nothing I do is enough for them, they expect it.

Until, I told her something and told her not tell my dad something and…. she did. It was my test with her, and my dad gave me shit the next day and the only reason I didn’t want him to know is cause I knew he’d put restrictions on me or worry when my Cousin & I hung out.

She sent me this two page message on how she was sorry and what not but it was the same bullshit as the last time we fought. I didn’t even reply. I went downstairs to see how she’d react to me and she just kept saying sorry in a non insincere voice. and I just told he blatantly that she lost my trust. Over & over again. With every rebuttal she tried to approach me with.

The next day, we got into A massive fight. I told her we needed printer ink so I could print out this application for a job and submit it. And she didn’t believe me? She tested it and what not. And then she saw it and said no? After she has been telling me to get a job! and earlier that week I submitted one for a hostess job. Obviously I was making an effort & actually trying. But according to my mom I am a complete fuck. she actually doesn’t do jack shit. My amazing father works for all six of us. My mom stays at home and doesn’t do anything. And not to mention my dad had been out of work for 6 months so you can imagine how much debt we’re in. She makes up so many excuses not to work too. She sits in the same spot, on the same couch, and drinks her wine. Occasionally popping Ambien with it before she goes to sleep and watches desperate house wives. But she has the right to tell me that I need to get a job? Oh and meanwhile the whole fight, she swung her fist at me. Hitting my chest and knocking the wind out of me. She was lucky I didn’t sock her in the face with mine.

Since my mom didn’t know what to do with herself by me doing this, and knowing the fact that I wouldn’t tell her anything anymore. She figured out my Facebook password, And was tracking what I was doing on the internet. I would never think that she would do that. I mean I didn’t do anything to loose her trust? we had such an amazing relationship why did she decide to be one of “THOSE” parent all the sudden? oh yeah, she was scared. She didn’t want to me to not be open with her.

This is what set me off. I was done. I prayed, I asked god to shed his light on this coin and to guide me on the path he’d want me to go. I flipped a coin. Heads, I stay home. Tails, I’m out of here. The coin landed on tails… So I packed my bags with the biggest grin on my face. I knew it was time for me to show my parents how I really felt, They needs to know by an action that I was emotionally damaged and hurt. I knew it was time to go to my destination and to not feel sheltered, I was craving adventure and for a girl who addicted to dirt roads and slow livin’ I was damn excited. Not to mention I thought it’d be such a good story for my kids one day.

First I printed off directions to Norfolk Nebraska, 1,640 sweet sweet miles. This being $431.30 worth of gas.. and I didn’t have much & 27 hours away from home.

I stole my moms credit cards and keys

I threw my guitar in the car

-A pack of water I found in the garage

-The blanket off my bed

-And a bag full of clothes

- And my backpack

Containing:

• Bible
• Paulo Coelho book
• Phone Charger
• Chapstick
• Make up
• Pens
• Notebook

First I printed off directions to Norfolk Nebraska, This being $431.30 worth of gas.. and I didn’t have much & 27 hours away from home.

My plan: Go to 5 different gas stations with drawing $100 each. My parents ended up shutting my phone off, which I had already shut off in the first place. Knowing they’d track me or shut it off anyways. And I knew they’d cancel the cards quick so I had to do this fast. I went to 3 stores and the first 3 ALL had something wrong with it or rejecting the first card which they already canceled, They caught on quick. But I had another one that they didn’t know I had. So I go to another one  & successfully retrieved $100 until my dad pulls up spotting the van..

What hurts the most

My heart.

Hurt

By johnny cash makes me wanna cry every damn time.